The Sun Comes Back Into My Life
by Litacanrana45
Summary: A different way Edward comes back into Bella's life after leaving in "New Moon." I wanted to play with the situation she was in during Twilight with the drunk men - this time she's not so lucky. Part I of a hopeful ongoing story - feedback is encouraged


Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters! All of the magic is thanks to Stephanie Meyer.

I never thought it would be possible to feel this way; I could hardly feel the pain anymore, it had been so long now that I have been living with it that I've gone numb. To feeling nothing is much worse. I didn't talk to anyone – I had nothing to say. I barely even spoke to Charlie or my mom; she would call me but I'd never answer or return her calls. I felt guilty for worrying them, but I just didn't care about anything anymore. It was when my dad started threatening to send me to Florida that I tried to put on a show for him, to fake that I was beginning to cope with it. My days were consumed with trying to figure out ways to ease Charlie's mind. I did try to see my old friends – I attempted a night out with Jessica a few months back, but that turned out to be terrible. I scared her away with my insane behavior and she hasn't talked to me since. One good thing did come from that night however, and it was my discovery of how to see Edward again. Since then, I had been forcing myself into dangerous situations so that he would appear in my mind, but lately it wasn't working so well. I decided to tell Charlie I was going to Port Angeles with Angela for the night – in actuality I was going to go there alone. I did that quite often these days as it helped pass many hours of the day, and I could be alone. I left a few hours before dusk and parked where I usually did, near the busy pier where all of the happy families and couples spent their evening getting ice cream and watching the sun go down. It was a happy setting and it made me sick to my stomach. I always took the same route along the pier to an isolated area a few miles away from town. When I made it to my usual spot I stood and stared at nothing for what seemed like hours. When I snapped back to reality, the sun was gone and the dark waters invisibly crashed on the docks, spraying a cool mist on my face. I decided I was gone long enough and headed back towards my truck. As I turned, I saw a dark street illuminated dimly by neon lights to a hole-in-the-wall bar. In the distance, I saw four fuzzy figures and my stomach kicked in anticipation.

The environment reminded me so much of the night of our first date, the night Edward also saved me. I approached the four men somewhat cautiously, but with a shiver of excitement with the false sense of hope that if I relived a memory we shared together, that maybe he would come back. I knew I was walking straight towards a potentially dangerous situation, but if anything went wrong – if I came to be in any kind of trouble – he would save me as he always has. I convinced myself of this lie successfully. As I got closer to the four men, the wind was no longer invisible, as pale colors formed into the shape I was hoping to see. He looked at me, fearful and angry at my betrayal. His smooth velvet voice filled my ears in an instant which made my stomach drop to my toes.

"Bella, stop."

His voice was different – it was distant. This was the only way I knew he wasn't really there, but I was getting desperate for it to be real again. I shook my head in defiance.

"I can't." I whispered.

I couldn't let him leave again. The men were aware I was approaching them, and they laughed to each other about my boldness to do so. There were beer cans on the ground around them. They were settled on around a car one of them must have owned, most likely just looking to get wasted – which they seemed to have succeeded in doing. I stopped five feet in front of them and discovered it wasn't the same men from that night one year ago. Disappointment filled my body and tears actually began forming in my eyes. This, in a normal reality, would have been a relief. The danger was now gone. Edward would soon be gone too.

"What can we do for you sweetheart?" I barely heard him. My lack of response probably made them think I was crazy, though, I have been acting that way.

"Wanna party with us?" The biggest one of the four said, approaching with a new can of beer extended in my direction.

"No, I uh – I thought you were someone else." I said still lost in my thoughts. As I turned to walk away, I noticed Edward had not disappeared. I stopped and looked at him – he was tense, very still, and looking dangerously at the man who had offered me a beer.

"Get out of here, now." He said steadily under a growl. Something was wrong.

I turned to walk away, a new sense of danger and urgency flooding through my mind. I managed only one step when I felt a large hand on my shoulder. He spun me back around with a smirk on his face.

"Common babe, no one likes a tease. Stay and party with us." His tone was odd; it wasn't sarcastic or cocky, it was almost sadistic.

The fear began to hit me. I put myself in this situation, and no matter how hard I tried to convince myself otherwise earlier – Edward wasn't here. He wasn't going to save me. He was gone. Panic overtook my better judgment at that point, and I drove my knee hard to his crotch. I heard him scream and watched as he doubled over in pain.

"You bitch!" He screamed through his groaning. I saw his friend's move towards me, and I took my momentary freedom to run, but they caught me.

"Whoa, whoa – what the hell was that for?" One said holding onto my arm and looking at his winded buddy.

I struggled through their grip to break free, but the man I had hit had regrouped himself and grabbed a big chunk of my long hair in his bear-sized hand. He violently jerked me out of his friend's hands and to his side.

"Big mistake." His lips were touching my ear and the next thing I knew, I was on the ground, the right side of my face throbbing terribly. Tears were running down my cheeks, either from the pain or the shock, I couldn't decide.

"Damn dude, relax man. She's just a chick." I faintly heard one of his friends say. I looked up and through my tears I saw him pushing him back a little, away from me. The large man didn't seem to be through with me, because he pushed the man out of his way and reached down for my hair again. He pulled me to my feet and looked into my eyes.

"I want nothin' to do with this man, I'm outta here. You guys comin'?" The other two must have decided not to witness whatever was about to happen either, because they trotted off into the darkness.

His eyes were fixed upon mine, beating rapidly.

"Like I said, nobody likes a tease." He drove his knee into my gut and all of the wind was knocked out of me. I gasped for air desperately, but it was impossible. Every time I choked for air it felt like my chest was going to cave in. I saw no easy way out of this; if I didn't fight I had no chance. I decided one last shot had to be my escape, and just as my foot bumped into a large rock on the ground, I had my idea. He backhanded the right side of my face for the second time, which hurt worse than the first. I fell back to the ground and huddled over my weapon. As he pulled me to my feet once again, with all the strength I had, I swung the rock straight for his head. It connected and his grip went loose. I ran as fast as I could, straight to the light of the main street I could barely see through my tears in the distance. My shallow breathing made it almost impossible to keep running, but as I came upon the chain link fence near the end of the alley, a force from behind pushed me violently into it. My face scraped along the fence, tearing at my shirt and skin as a body pressed up behind me. I wove my fingers through the links and held on as he began tugging at me, trying to get me away from the main roads. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled so hard that the links cut my fingers. I started screaming, my last resort; if no one heard me, it was all over. He covered my mouth to muffle my screams as I kicked and fought to break free of him but he pulled me farther and farther from the lights until we were behind a new building and I could no longer see them. He put me on the ground and got on top of me. I noticed my rock had done some damage, because he had a gash on his forehead. Regardless of his injury though, he looked excited.

"A rough one, aren't ya? That's good, I like it." He looked from my eyes to my stomach, and ripped my shirt off from the front buttons. He looked at me like he was starving. His hands moved steadily and slowly to my stomach, and when I felt his touch to my skin, I broke down.

"No, no, please don't! Please!" I pleaded desperately, but I knew it would do nothing.

The only person I ever wanted to experience this with was Edward, even if he was no longer here. I didn't want to give myself to anyone else. Realizing that it was about to be taken from me, and not by Edward, took whatever else of my soul I had managed to keep intact. I tried to leave my body, I didn't want to be here while this happened. I didn't want to remember it or experience it. The only thing I could do was shut myself down as I had for the past four months and wait for it to be over.

-Somewhere in Canada-

Alice shot out of her vision with such fear that Jasper got in a protective stance and looked around for an unwelcome guest. She stood frozen, Jasper dashing to her side.

"Alice, what is it?" He asked tensely sitting next to her and putting a loving hand around her. Her fear was so strong Jasper had no effect on calming it.

"Edward, where's Edward?" She asked in a panic.

Edward had appeared in the doorway, deep shadows under his eyes. His separation from Bella had taken its toll on him as well as he was physically there, but mentally far away.

"Edward! –" Alice started, but the look of terror on Edward's face made it clear that he had just seen everything being replayed in her head. Within the next second, Edward was gone.

-Port Angeles-

I felt his hands reach for my pants, and he unbuttoned them, slid the zipper down, and parted the opening. He held his hand to my mouth as I lay with utter defeat. I thought about Edward the entire time – trying to put myself in a happy place with him for one last time. The man teased his hand around my underwear, and then pulled down my bra. His excitement peaked, and he lunged at my neck, kissing and biting me so hard I yelped. He held his hand to my face so tightly my neck was cramping, and my face was pulsing once again. He moved down quickly, and in the middle of pulling my pants down – his face getting dangerously close to my underwear – his weight was suddenly gone. My pants didn't move, nothing pushed against my face and mouth, no more biting or kissing – it had all suddenly stopped.

_Did I imagine the whole thing?_ My throbbing body told me no. Maybe I got my wish; maybe I succeeded in being in a happy place with Edward. I could see him in the darkness of my mind. It was just him – his white marble skin shining light through the darkness, his smile inviting me to him. I was afraid to open my eyes – if I did, it might take me back to reality, to what was really happening. I was being raped, and I would surely be killed too.

A moment later, I felt hands on my arms, and I immediately jerked away, but something made me freeze so quickly I stopped breathing, and all I could hear was my rapid heartbeat. These new hands on me, I knew them – they were cold and hard as stone. I opened my eyes and saw the most beautiful face staring back at me. His expression was heartbreaking – he looked to be in excruciating pain. If he could cry, he would be right now.

"How is this happening? Why can I feel you this time?" I didn't know how my illusions worked, so maybe this was a new level of crazy. But why was my illusion now able to touch me?

"Bella, it's me." He said gently. "I'm here." His fingers brushed gently against my wounded face and immediately began soothing the pulsing pain.

I didn't take my eyes away from his; I couldn't bear for him to disappear again. I slowly moved my hand to his face, my touch triggered his eyes to close and I could feel how stiff he was sitting there trying to contain his rage and sorrow.

"Did he kill me?" I asked myself. Nothing surrounding me had changed, it was still dark out, I could feel my body throbbing – but Edward was here. I was in his arms again, I could feel him. My question caused him to wrap his arms more tightly around me and his smell consumed me.

"You're safe now Bella. You're safe." He whispered softly, but he looked away from me for just a moment, the look of rage on his face signaling that he was planning to move away from me. I grabbed his arms as tightly as I could as fear of him disappearing forever consumed me.

"No! Don't leave!" Tears immediately flowed from my eyes and he looked back to me with urgency.

"I'm not leaving, Bella, I won't ever leave you again." He said moving his hand under my legs and cradling my back with the other, gently lifting me off the ground.

My vision began to blur as I tried to stay focused on his face. I could feel myself slipping and the next thing I knew I was inside my truck, my head against Edward's chest and his arm wrapped around me. He drove as fast as my truck would go back towards Forks.

He felt me move under his arm, and tightened his grip.

"Edward?" I mumbled groggily.

"Sleep, Bella. We'll be in Forks soon." He assured me, moving his hand to my hair and gently stroking it. "I'm going to take you to the hospital, Carlise is still out of town – " But I cut him off before he could finish.

"No! Please, I don't need a hospital." I said, sitting straight up.

"You need to see a doctor Bella, please don't argue." He said, pain overwhelming him. I must have looked worse than I thought. I hadn't had a chance to see myself, so I started to observe any injuries that I could see. I held out my arms and saw bruises scattered on my forearms and biceps. There were cuts on some of my fingers, some worse than others and the blood was drying under my finger nails. The realization that there was blood exposed on me, I covered it up and looked to him. But, if he really was just an illusion, the blood wouldn't really matter to him.

"What are you thinking?" He asked, pressing his finger to the crease between my eyes. He always knew when I was contemplating something when that crease appeared.

"I have blood on my fingers – and probably other places. I was afraid it was hurting you, but I don't think it should – if I'm imagining all of this." I explained carefully. He looked at me confused.

"Why do you believe I'm not really here?" He asked taking my hand in his.

I looked down sadly. I didn't want to confess my crazed antics for the past five months – his cold marble touch had me quite convinced this wasn't all in my head.

"I discovered that – being in dangerous situations, something you wouldn't want me to be doing – I was able to see you. The first time it happened, you appeared right next to me. It got harder to find ways to see you after that – it seemed like I had to find greater rushes of danger – for you to appear." I hesitated to look up to him, but I felt his hand stiffen in mine.

After a few moments of silence, he finally spoke.

"You were putting yourself in danger – just to see – _me_?" He said slowly and carefully, disgust overtaking his voice as he referred to himself. "Bella, I-"

"Edward I _had to_ see you. I realize it was incredibly stupid for me to do the things I did, but you don't understand – I _had_ to. It was the only thing I had to look forward to, it became the thing that kept me going." I cut him off before he could protest his frustration. I lowered my voice for what I was about to say next. "I'm sorry – that I went too far, and drug you back to save me when you want nothing to do with me. I tried to go on, and go about things in my own way, as to not involve Charlie, or anyone else. My life became nothing without you, and the risks became worth the payoff in the end. I am sorry though, that my actions became selfish and resulted in you forced to clean up the mess. You don't have to look out for me, you can leave right now and forget this happened and I won't take it as far ever again, so this doesn't happen again."

The truck stopped so abruptly I was amazed I didn't go flying forward. I should have known he slipped my seat belt on. I looked at him in confusion as his face twisted in agony.

"Bella, you have nothing to apologize for." He said pulling my face up to see his. "You don't understand the repulsive disgust I feel for myself at this moment, and it is something I will never forgive myself for. Bella – I thought I was _saving_ you by leaving. I had rationalized that leaving you would give you the chance to continue a life that you _should_ be living with your father, and mother, and your friends. I wanted to _stop_ hurting you and instead – I almost killed you. I am so sorry." Edward never took his eyes off of mine, and the tears were once again back, blurring my vision from his strained, yet still perfect face. I looked down, still unsure if what was happening was real.

"It was so easy for you to leave." I whispered so lowly I was unsure I even got it out. Edward heard me though, and slid his fingers through my hair, sweeping it behind my head and guiding my sight back to his.

"Leaving you, Bella, was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my entire existence. I had to lie, to give you a chance at a normal life."

I shook my head softly; unable to comprehend he had meant nothing of what he had said during a time that seemed so long ago.

"You still love me?" I asked so meekly I was a little embarrassed.

"I never stopped." He assured me, looking at me only for a brief second longer, before his lips were closing in on mine. The cool texture soothed my now swollen lips and the aching pulse of my head died down, consumed by a heavenly spin of pleasure. His kiss had an urgency to it I had never felt – almost as if he were attempting to prove how false his statements had been those many months ago. His tongue slid into my mouth and my eyes closed instinctively, my heart racing faster than I had ever felt. His tongue was surprisingly warm, but I concluded that was due to the heat radiating from my own mouth and it was softer than I had expected; perhaps that was just my imagination. He explored my mouth circling lightly around my own at first, but as I responded with my own exploration, his speed increased. It was no longer an unsure movement, but a rhythm that came in sync with my own. His hand slid up my back gently, and pressed my chest to his in an embrace that didn't feel close enough. I wrapped my arm around his neck with my left and wound my fingers into his hair with my right which immediately signaled him another step further. His hand slid down my back and down my thigh, meeting his opposite hand on my other thigh as he pulled me up onto his lap, my legs straddling him. My head was now higher than his as I bent down to him, kissing him deeper every time. He leaned against the door of my truck, leaning back just enough that I was leaning down on him, my pelvis sitting on top of his. It was throbbing so intensely I thought I was going to scream. Just as everything was heating up so overwhelmingly, he ended our passionate kiss and exhaled just as frustrated as I now was.

"Can I take you to the hospital now?" He asked rubbing his nose along my cheek bone to my ear, kissing my neck gently. I felt like I could agree with absolutely anything at that moment so long as I could stay exactly where I was. But before I agreed so easily, I gathered my thoughts and shook my head.

"Can we just stay together – just you and me?" I whispered back. "Can we go to your house?" I looked into his eyes and he could see the longing I felt for him.

He pulled out his cell phone and held it to me.

"Call Charlie – tell him you are spending the night at Angela's." He sat up and slid me back onto the seat next to him as he started the truck and continued on the dark highway. I called Charlie's house and it wasn't hard to fake a happy mood as I told him I was staying at Angela's for the night. He agreed happily and said to take my time getting home the next day. I closed the phone with success and cuddled my head into Edward's neck. He put his hand on my thigh from behind my back and securely held me next to him. As we continued along the road, I was drowned out of the world around me, surrounded in the bliss of Edward's return. In the middle of my daydreaming, the truck hit a large bump in the road, one that created a loud crash and shook the truck violently. The sudden noise startled me and all I could see was the face of the man that had almost succeeded in taking my one special gift only meant for Edward. I jumped so violently I hit my head on the top of the truck, causing my head to throb violently once again. Tears struck my eyes as I looked to the empty side of the truck where I should have been sitting. All I could see outside the window was black with lighter shades of the quickly passing trees. Edward kept his arm around me as my hand instinctively grabbed his shirt. He let out a low growl.

"What's wrong, Bella?" He sounded very alarmed like there was something outside that he had missed – which is an impossibility.

I kept my eyes at the window, waiting for his face to pop up, but it never did. I breathed out nervously and turned back to him, clutching his shirt tighter.

"Nothing. It was just the bump, it startled me." I rested my head back to where it had been, but I couldn't go back to my blissful dreams from before, I was too wired with nerves. My heart was thudding so loudly, Edward would have definitely known something was wrong. He didn't press further, he just held me next to him and drove us back into Forks.

As we parked in the driveway of the Cullen's beautifully isolated home on the outskirts of Forks, Edward stopped the car and turned to look at me.

"Bella – I cannot tell you enough, how sorry I am for leaving you. If I hadn't, this would have never happened…" I put my head down and shook my head, and just as quickly pulled my eyes back to his and put my finger to his lips. He stopped in the middle of his thought as I spread my other fingers along his perfect lips and glided them to his cheek.

"This isn't your fault, Edward. It's mine. I broke my promise to you, selfishly – I made everyone worry. It was _my_ fault I was there tonight, it was my fault I was alone. I knew I shouldn't have done it…" I looked at him, his eyes moving back and forth between mine. "You know, the worst part about tonight – I could have taken him hurting me…" Edward closed his eyes, the words of what had happened was hard for him to hear. "It was when he tried to take my clothes off…" I paused as the memories flooded back. "I was so afraid he was going to rape me. And even though you were gone, I was afraid I wouldn't have that gift to give you anymore. I never want anyone else to have that part of me, except you. I would have rather died."

"Please don't say that Bella." He said so lowly I'm surprised I heard it.

I placed my other hand onto his face and pulled it back up to meet mine. I smiled a little and he looked a little confused.

"How terrible do I look right now?" I asked innocently, still not completely sure how bad my face and body was from the attack. I hadn't even thought of what I would tell Charlie tomorrow.

"You never look anything less than beautiful, Bella." He said as if it were obvious.

"Thank you…for saving me." I whispered, adjusting myself onto his lap as I had been earlier. I looked deeply into his eyes and once again he reached towards me, his lips meeting mine. He put his hand on the small of my back and opened the door of the truck, walking out with me in arms still locked in a kiss. His hand moved lower to my buttocks and a chill ran through my body. My kiss deepened with his, and before I knew it we were inside the house on the long white couch in the living room. He sat down gently folding my legs to his sides, and then laid back with me on top of him. My back arched at the sensations surrounding me – I was new to this, but it seemed so natural. He pulled his hands along my thighs up to my sides, and slid them beneath my shirt and up my ribs. I shook in response and readjusted my hands to his shoulders, the sharp edges of his perfect muscles underneath my delicate fingers. It felt like my body was bursting into flames, which warmed up his skin and made his touch feel that much more overwhelming to me. He sat up with me following and grasped the ends of my shirt with his hands, and as he pulled it up his face left mine for a brief moment as the shirt brushed over and landed silently to the floor. He laid back as I was still upright on top of him, looking down, pressing my hands on top of his that were holding onto my hips. I still had my bra on, which I unfortunately hadn't put much thought into when I dressed myself this morning. There was nothing special to it, but at least it wasn't my most hideous one. I sat still, staring down at his beautiful face, my hands woven on top of his. His eyes drifted from my eyes down my body, and I could see him taking in all of the features he had never allowed himself to view prior to this night. His hand moved from my now cool hip and traced circles around my stomach. I would have thought he was being playful, but as his finger continued gliding around my stomach, I felt a sharp pain pierce the area he hovered over. I winced and he pulled his hand away quickly looking to me in worry as I looked down to my stomach to see bruises scattered about my ribs. It disgusted me and I looked away from the reminders and instead focused on Edward's perfect, beautiful face. I took his hand and flattened it on my stomach and motioned it upward, which he picked up on and took over, gently gliding his hand from my navel up to in between my breasts. He stopped there and with two fingers tapped my chest to the rhythm of my heart. It was beating faster than was probably healthy, but I didn't even notice. Edward's hand was so dangerously and teasingly close to my breasts that it was about to drive me crazy.

"Bella, love, breath. Don't have a heart attack on me." He said through a sly smile which didn't help my erratic heartbeat.

"I'm trying Edward, but you're driving me _crazy_." I placed my hand on his once again and breathed in deeply.

"Are you feeling alright?" He asked sincerely concerned again.

"I've never been better than I am right now." I said in full confidence. I was in complete heaven right now. With his sudden stillness, I was eager to push this forward. I sunk back down onto his chest and stayed inches from his face. "Can we please forget about that now?" I said, my lips so close to his it was driving me crazy not to just kiss him through my words. I breathed every word into his mouth softly and I knew it was driving him crazy too. That's what he gets for teasing _me_ all night long. I saw his eyes close tightly as he tried to regain control and compose himself. He exhaled softly and opened his eyes, looking beat down and not entirely in tune with our conversation.

"I wanted to make sure there was no permanent damage so my mind can be at ease at least slightly tonight since I'm not allowed to take you to the hospital." He opened and closed his eyes softly still trying to compose himself. I was consumed in his scent, but his words snapped me out of the moment I was in – a feat I would have thought impossible. Realization hit me just then; my hopes that I would finally have Edward – all of him – were not going to be granted tonight. I backed away from his face ever so slightly and he noticed my distance. He opened his eyes and looked at me with worry. I continued backing up as he followed, and sat on the couch, off of his lap. My stomach sank so heavily I could hardly hold in the tears. Rejection. Again.

"Bella! Bella, what is it?" I felt Edward's arms around me and I snapped out of my mind-blank to realize the hysterical sobbing I had begun without warning.

"I'm – I'm sss…sssorr…yyy." I said through my sobs, wrapping my arms together in an attempt to comfort myself.

"Bella, love, tell me what's wrong." He said in such pain and desperation it made me feel guilty for reacting this way.

"I just…thought, that…you were…you wanted to…that we were fff…fff…fffinally going to…" It was embarrassing how hard I was crying. I don't ever remember a time I had cried so hard, and it had to be in front of Edward. I could tell he understood where I was heading with that and in one fluid motion, swept me onto his lap and cuddled me into his chest, his cheek pressed gently against my forehead.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I don't want you to be upset like this. I'm so sorry I mislead you."

"I love you." I whispered meekly.

"I love you." He responded in my ear and my tears formed again.

"Why isn't that enough?" I asked quietly. Perhaps it was my adolescence, but I did not understand why he didn't want to _be_ with me. If he truly loved me as I loved him, I don't understand how he could constantly turn me down.

"It is enough Bella, it's all there is. Please believe me, Bella – I want to. You have _no idea_ how much I want to. I want to love you how you deserve to be loved, and I want to _show_ you how much I love you – but it's not the right time yet."

"When is the right time?" I was afraid of the answer. Before he could respond my head shot into a whirlwind of dizziness and throbbing. I jerked into a stillness that could have matched Edward's and put my hands over my temples like a vice. My stomach began kicking with nerves of the realization something _might_ be seriously wrong.


End file.
